My name's Clara. I'm also known by Jenova.
My biggest problem is perfection. The hunt for it, and the lack thereof.
I've heard that "good is the destroyer of great". That spreading your resources, time, and money over "good" things will keep you from focusing on the "great".
But I've also heard "just do it."
Sound familiar? I love it. For me as an artist, as an athlete, as an entrepreneur, whatever, it's a mantra I repeat often. "Don't think about it forever, Clara... just *do* it."
But then, I second-guess myself. I tell myself "this project still needs this or that." "It would be even better if all the images were the exact same pixel dimensions." Or, "I need to apply the same formatting/filters to all of these."
And so I get caught up in the details, and nothing ever gets done/finished/published, because nothing is ever perfect.
This is a habit I'm trying to break.
How in the world do I find the happy medium between "just do it" and "do it to the best of your ability?" I know I'm good. I want to be great. Great to *my* standards. Not someone else's.
So, even though I don't feel like Painkiller Studios is ready to leave the nest, I'm gonna "just do it."
I'm in the bad habit of trying to *market* myself, instead of just *being* myself. Because I'm OCD like hell, I always try to categorise things... people and their styles... events in my life... favourite songs... personality types and archetypes... I always feel like I need to categorise myself to understand myself. Which is (naturally, for any human being) hard to do.
I'm a Sagittarius. A centaur. Half man, half horse. I was discussing with BestFriend1 that people often act like their signs. BF1 is also a Sagittarius. She's incredibly intelligent, but, as she pointed out to me, she gets impatient sometimes and often finds herself stamping her "hoof" on the ground. BestFriend2 is a Cancer. A crab. He's reclusive, withdrawn, and often "within his shell." It takes a bit of coaxing to get him out from underneath his tough, stoic exterior.... Takes a bit of patience to get to the delicious, juicy bits that he keeps behind a tough shell.
I'm incredibly ambivalent. "Ambivalent" has a tendency to be understood as "nonchalant". I'm not. I usually care so strongly in two opposite directions simultaneously... so strongly that it hurts. BestFriend2 says that I'm "half man, half horse, so of course I have a hard time making up my mind." He makes fun of me for saying things like: "I kinda wanna stay home, but I kinda wanna go out." Or: "I kinda wanna have lasagna for dinner, but I kinda wanna have Asian food."
Naturally, this drive both of us crazy. Him, moreso than me.
Bless him. <3
Personally, this ambivalency translates to:
I'm kinda a goth, but I'm kinda trendy. I'm kinda a girly-girl, but I'm kinda an androgynous badass. I'm kinda reclusive, but I'm kinda an extrovert.
I think I feel such a need to categorise myself, because I *don't* fit into one category.
This was the reason I put Painkiller Studios on hiatus back in 2010, despite its rising success. I couldn't figure out what kind of "look" the company needed. I had paint-covered grungy stuff. I had lacy, frilly, girly stuff. I had steampunk stuff. I had glam, trendy stuff.
And so.... the characters of Painkiller Studios were born.
We have the girly hime Lillet.
We have the streetsmart Roo.
We have the raver Atomika.
etc.
Check out the Character Page for more info! :)
As far as this blog goes...
I promise to do my best to:
Post at least once a week.Stay current with my artwork and projects that I'm working on. I love you guys, and I know you're here because you're interested in what's going on.Keep you updated on any promotions, giveaways, etc. that are going on at Painkiller Studios.
Post plenty of pictures: Outfits of the day. Daily finds (spiked necklaces and backless boots. yes.), Painkiller work in progress.
I'm also trying to integrate a weekly advice column, so please send me your questions! Email me!
painkillerstudios[at!]gmail.com
With that being said, we have some AMAZING things to look forward to from Painkiller Studios this year.
Prints, Stickers, Clothing, Shoes!,
I look forward to hearing from everyone.
With love,
Clara
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